stolen, lost, gone
things that i have lost this summer: two handles of cheap vodka, my (heretofore) unshakable belief in the power and importance of loving someone, my ipod, a very nice grey scoop neck tank top with cloth flowers on it, and immense amounts of motivation.
where, exactly, i have to wonder, did summer go? in a flutter of police reports, excellent books and paychecks, the great, chaotic, flapping/flying thing is gone. practically. i am watching it zoom over the horizon — just a speck now. with it, as i’ve said, it carries the memory of what was: a couple drunken nights, the hopeless romanticism, the ability to listen to any of 4,500 songs in my car, several potential outfits, the poetry portfolio i was supposed to have produced.
so those things are gone, never to return (it seems). at least they won’t come back the same. and so where does that leave me? i’m going to start in on a new section of life soon… but without those things, those things that summer has taken away from me.
there is absolutely nothing i can conclude from this realization! BUT! it is still a realization.
i just saw (500) Days of Summer and am now imagining that i am actually the star of my own movie and that deep-voiced narrator is talking to people i’ll never know about me, and they’re looking at me sitting cross legged on my bed, facing the wall with the octogonal window. typing on my laptop, pausing now and then to clarify a thought, brush a piece of hair from my face and itch my nose. and i am endearing to them and they themselves have been here and wondered similar thoughts and i am simply showing them what they look like, or have once looked like.
i’d like to make movies, i think.
